Depression

Depressed life I was facing Marina beach, Chennai. After a long time I came here. The cool  breeze slapped me. I was low in confidence. I had faced so much of rejections, dejections,  failures, break-ups in my life. I need to share my experience. 

Hi friends, this is Rahul. I’m a 25-year old man. With 25 years of bitter experience. I dont have a  particular reason to feel depressed. Is there any rule, you have to be depressed only if you lose  your loved ones or something kid of stuff. I have ‘n’ no. of reasons to say. I will list-out my  losses in life. I faced 

  1. 3-friendship back-stabs, 
  2. Sudden job loss, 
  3. struck in career. Simply, I was a ‘loser’. 

Have you been in a position that everyone oppose you, everyone argues you and you have  none to support you. Even at one point of time they convince you, and you argue against  yourself. You are lonely! 

My failure started when I was born. I was not a normal person. In fact when you look at me you  would argue I was common like many other people. But when you move with you would come  to know. I’m an innocent, childish fellow. I dont have much intelligence. You can’t accept my  perspective sometimes, what is there in depression. What is there to be low in confidence? I  will tell you. 

Incident No.1, the incident would prove I was innocent. When I was studying in high school, I  would travel to the school in bus. At those times, our bus-mates would plan to celebrate  everyone’s birthday. Especially, the last-seat members. We cut cakes for the birthday boy and  the birthday boy has to throw others a treat in a dhaba. Most of them, in fact all of them would  combine their birthday treats except this pity Rahul. Mostly 2 birthday babies would combine  and give us the treat. And both the birthday babies would share the bill. Say if the bill is 4k, the  two birthday buddies would share the bill as 2k each. But if this pity Rahul has none to share  the bill and if the bill is 4k, I have to pay the bill. Here, I don’t speak from the money’s  perspective. Instead there is none to share bill with me. And more than everything, only after  finishing my high school I got to know that these bloody bus-mates have cheated me. When  there is none to inform me that you were cheated. 

I threw a small pebble onto the beach. The pebble bounced twice and thrice and reached  somewhere deep into the beach. 

Incident no.2, why everyone hates me. I played cricket during my college days. Mostly, I play  decent cricket. But sometimes, I would drop catches. And if we lose the match, my whole  teammate would blame me and would say the drop catch was the defining moment of the 

match. If I had caught the ball, we would have won the game. They argue. But I never argue, I  simply held my head down. Even at that time none would support me. One day, the anger hits  on the top of my head and I argued the captain and he three me out of the ground. 

Incident no.3, my close friend back stabbed me. My close friend,Arjun got Moni’s ( my  girlfriend’s) phone number from my another friend and spoke to Moni regarding me. Later, that  day Arjun came to my home and just we discussed about life and he left the home. Later, next  day Moni spoke to me and said Arjun has spoke to her regarding my career flop. Arjun has told  Moni, that I should take a high income earning career than a dull-looking job. What hurts me  more is, I dont mind he got her number and spoke to her. But at least Arjun would have  informed me that be spoke to Moni. He came to my home but still he didn’t say anything. Ok, I  can leave this as well, when I told him he was wrong. He didn’t accept it and said defender him.  What he has in his mind? I will speak to him anyway? 

Incident no.4, the last incident, my sudden job loss. I was working fine in an IT company. I  worked well so they said if I work on a particular project they would send me onsite. So, I  accepted that and worked on that project. The project was not-easy. One has to work extra time to complete the project. So, I worked day-night on the project. I worked on weekends. I  worked for continuously 28 days in that particular month for almost working 14 hours per day. I  had almost completed the project. But at the neck of the moment, I wasn’t send to onsite. In  fact, the management has hired, Ganesh, (an employee) just to send him to onsite for the  project. Ganesh was my school buddy. We were good friends. When he said to me that he was  going to onsite on behalf of me, I imagined of cutting my throat with the pen and die. Even they  sacked me suddenly. Work done so they sacked me. 

Whenever I think of this incident, tears would roll-down from my eyes. I have cried so many  days in my bed. I wanted to book a 5-star hotel and wanted to cry. I have none to share. My life  is full of depression. 

Why all these happening to me? Why God has built me with low I intelligence, with low IQ, with  low what-so-ever. I just wanted to travel somewhere and start my new life! New beginning!

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